Mallarey’s Story

Well hello there folks, I’m Mallarey and I’m 36. I’ve had seizures since I was 15. I had my first one on the school bus home and scared the poor girl who liked to sit in the front of the bus. Her name was Jackie. I will probably never forget her name because I still feel bad for scaring her, even though I didn’t know I was about to have a seizure or anything. I remember the ambulance, a dude I didn’t know, being scared and wanting my bed, my home and my safe space. Also being denied all the above because I had just had a seizure. The next few days sucked. My tongue had never felt worse. 

I picked a doctor. I remember my mom asking me who I wanted. I picked Dr. Charles Bean. I stayed with him until he retired. He found that my seizures were not light reactive or sound reactive seizures. He told me they were probably stress induced or hormones. Not much testing has gone into that theory so I’m not convinced. I’d like to know more as a patient. 

I went through drivers ed like any normal teen would thanks to being medicated and the doctors forms sent to the DMV. So that was a plus that I did still get to do something normal like everyone else. I just had tougher restrictions about night driving than other 16 year olds.

Working with my doctors, I tried to see if I could go off of my meds. I couldn’t drive for the first six months. On the 11th month of the year-long trial you have to go through I was driving to school with my friend and got in an accident. No one was hurt. Except my pride and car. Also the only time anyone ever probably saw two teens who actually wanted to go to school and forget their morning. That one I remember feeling right before it happened. It was like I was flying above as it was happening. I could see everything and was powerless to stop myself.  Each one is different. I went back on my meds after that.

For the most part I have been lucky and my medicine has done the job. But the side effects of the medicine are really tough.

I was gonna be a mechanic … Didn’t cuz I was scared … Should’ve,  don’t be afraid just because something is wrong with you. Because honestly nothing is wrong with you. 

I should still probably be a baker, because I’ve made some awesome cakes like the purple minion for my son’s 4th birthday, a giant olaf for my friend’s daughter, and many more. 

I was told that due to the medicines I’d be on I would at a 90% probability not have kids and low and behold I now have two beautiful babies. They also told me due to my seizures I’d probably not live to the age I am now. That scared me and gave me anxiety. 

So then I got the Dr. I have now, and I love Dr. P. She’s awesome, she listens and tries to accomplish what we both want in care form. She tells me she likes talking to me I brighten her day. That makes me feel good because I don’t feel like I do much brightening lately. 

Trying to find your purpose in a world where you have never fully felt accepted is hard enough, being able to shine shouldn’t be. I wanna be able to own my shine, I’m tired of sitting silent on something that I feel no one understands. 

 Well that’s a pretty good version of my story. I hope you enjoyed my story and I really hope it helps someone be able to live their best life!